5 things I'm ashamed of as an autism mom

Is shame a natural feeling for all autism parents?

I hope other parents of children with autism can relate! I hate to think I'm the only one who feels these things.

1. I sometimes do my son's homework.

 There are days that I can't deal with the stress of making my son do his homework. The anger, the whining! And that's just me!

No, really, after a long workday, checking in on my elderly father and  then coming home to do housework and cook supper, I sometimes have no patience left.

I know it is setting a bad example and I'm encouraging the bad behavior, but at the time I'm too exhausted to care.

2. I often feel like giving up.

Parenting is hard work. I thought raising two daughters was work, but nothing compares to raising a special needs child. The appointments, the planning of social outings, school work, the simple daily routines - it can be overwhelming. 

The mornings are when my son is at his worst - hyperactive and mouthy - I dread them. Will he ever outgrow this?

3. I dread what the future holds for my son.

My son is high functioning so there is hope for his future - right? But what will he do or become when he has so few social skills or interests?

I had high hopes for my girls, now adults and neurotypical. I  can't see a very bright future for my boy. No medical degree, no advanced degrees at all. I don't believe even a community college will be an option. I'm a laborer and I wanted better for my kids.

4. I get way too angry way too often.

When I walk through my door and I'm greeted by a big mess - every cupboard open, toys and food scattered everywhere, and just general mayhem -  I start the nagging. Then comes the annoyance, followed by yelling.

I know the yelling makes things worse, but at times that is the only thing that gets my son's attention.

My son now looks closely at my face when he sees me. Is angry, psycho mom here or normal calm mom? Alas, much of his behavior is reflective of mine.

5.  I am too sensitive to other people's opinions.

I am way less sensitive than I used to be, but make a smart comment about how too many kids don't get the discipline - insert whipping - that they deserve, and I'll see red. When his teacher told me my son would do better if he stopped daydreaming, I had to bite my tongue.

 I  do no longer feel the need to say, "But he's autistic!" every time someone questions his behavior.

I  do love my son!

Lest you think I don't love my son, be assured I do! I love him with all my heart and soul, with a fierceness and protectiveness only a parent can know.

For all the problems we face together, the pride I feel when looking at how far my son has come makes  me glad to be his mom. Even if I'm not perfect myself.

Someday the pieces will fit... Autism awareness 4 Inch Round Button by MyFireWithin
Try button making at zazzle.com

Autism Medication and My Son: Vyvanse, Clonidine, and Risperidone

It is hard to make the choice to put your child on daily medicines. Although I often feel guilty about my choice, I can see no other alternative.
I tried the gluten free diet and removed food containing red dye from his diet. For his sleep problem, I tried melatonin. None of these natural remedies worked and I was at my wit's end.

The following medicines were the last - and more successful medicines -prescribed for my son.

My son was put on the ADHD medicine Vyvanse, another stimulant used for treating the ADHD that so often occurs with autism. The Vyvanse replaced the Concerta which caused my son to constantly clear his throat, an unwanted side effect,. I discussed this and two other medicines in a previous post: Autism Medication and My Son: Intuniv and Concerta.


My son was plagued by nightmares.

Vyvanse, I love you!

The Vyvanse works well for my son's ADHD. My son is now able to focus at school and is no longer constantly bouncing off the walls during the day.
Ironically, before my son was on a stimulant medicine, he would not leave my side. It is one thing to have a hyper child, it is another to have a hyper child who is constantly hanging and pulling on you and won't go outside to work off some of his energy.

Just like Concerta, Vyvanse had no effect on my son's rages.

An unwanted side effect is appetite suppression. At  8 years old and 46 inches tall, my son weighed 39 pounds. My son will not be hungry for most of the day but will eat in the evening when the Vyvanse wears off.

Clonodine for his sleep problems, hallelujah!

My son has had difficulty sleeping since he was about two. He did not want to go to sleep and would lie in his bed for hours.  It drove me to tears many times because  at the time I was in college and needed to do homework and be rested for my hospital clinicals. To make matters worse, he  never slept late in the morning.

My son was also plagued by nightmares. He awoke every single night screaming "mommy, mommy, mommy." He couldn't tell me what his nightmares were about, but he would go  back to sleep as long as I was near him. I started to let him sleep in my bed so I wouldn't be so exhausted in the morning.

My son and I moved to North Dakota when he was 7. My son was referred to a psychiatrist because of the sleeping and anger issues. The doctor prescribed clonidine as a sleeping aid. Clonidine's primary use is as a blood pressure medicine, but it is also prescribed for ADHD and insomnia.

The night of the first dose I was skeptical that my son would go to sleep. But within 45 minutes of taking the medicine my son said he was tired and wanted to go to bed. I was almost delirious with relief. At long last I had a few hours of quiet time  in the evenings.

Risperidone (brand name Risperdal) for anger!

I thought that my son's anger would subside once he started to get more rest, but the extra sleep didn't help at all and he still awoke at night because of nightmares.

The psychiatrist and I discussed risperidone, an antipsychotic drug. Risperidone's main use is for the treatment of schizophrenia and bipolar disorder, but it is also used to treat anger and aggression in autistic children.

The risperidone has worked very well. My son is no longer as angry and violent when he gets upset. He still has a temper, but the uncontrollable rages are gone! He also plays much better with other children and he very rarely wakes up in the middle of the night.

An unwanted side affect of risperidone is weight gain and gynemastia (man boobs). No signs of any breast growth, but my son has gone from looking like a famine victim and is at a healthy  - but still slender - weight.

My feelings about medicating my son

I used to be one of those people who felt drugs are being overprescribed to children. I was smug and thought  my parenting technique was all that was needed to raise happy, healthy children. It may have worked for my two older kids, but I got the smug kicked right out of me.

I do not like medicating my son, but I know that without the medicines, life would be awful - for both my son and me. We are both so much happier, relaxed and loving now.  I hope some day my son can stop taking these medicines, and from what I have read that may be likely.

Life is good. :)